Reconciliation
Problems:
Assalammu'alaikum wr. wb.
Mrs. Anita, my 30-year-old man. Not long ago I experienced the events that rocked my life. I'm going through a divorce after being married for 3 years, and already has a son almost 2 years old. My ex-wife was 30 years old. During the wedding, my household is always tinged with controversy. This is due to differences in conflicting thoughts. He's actually a lot to know the laws of religion, but more seeking relief-relief that is not in place.
I stamped extremely religious and extreme in his religion, but I think the actual content of my faith is still very far from perfect. When I run the daily prayers, I considered abandoning our son which he had always watched and guarded. Though we live not alone but with his parents in the house so crowded people. I considered less responsible as more important than family worship, although it is an individual duty of worship.
During his marriage to her, I was quiet, trying to be patient and obey his will because he wanted to avoid a bigger fuss. In addition it was also because I felt did not have any power against my ex-wife, because it is a condition we are still riding in his parents' home in the town of X, and I am at work in the town of Y due to my ex-wife was afraid to live self-deprivation and fear when joined with me in town Y, In addition he also still love to leave her job at a hotel, which is surrounded by the luxury of making it more often look up.
I feel I have no power as the leader of the family while in his parents' house, because I was not able to guide and make it obedient to her husband as long as he still insisted to stay at home parents. He still often hide behind their parents. Even the name of my gift to our son who Insha Allah was not significantly better everyday wear, a nickname used is that it provides that no element pray, so that the original name of my son was drowned. At that time I think often we divorce it may be better, because I feel very heavy responsibility that I carry with married him, I was not able to figure out how what else should I use for membinanya and make it obedient.
From the subtle way in the form of an invitation to tender and rough words angrily. In fact I often made threats to him, as if these circumstances continue and told he would not respect me as a leader of the family, then I am no longer able to keep this marriage. When I say that he, too, fell silent. I realized that in fact we still love each other, but the behavior often does not reflect that. Especially when considering the conditions we already have a son, I tried to dampen appetite for divorce. However, the incidence of divorce was ultimately inevitable, then I've moved on to work in country Z, while he was still in town X.
Just because a small problem that could have been resolved by speaking well and push each other each esteem, I buried a time bomb that finally exploded too when I visited him at his parents' house. I give her back to her parents. But eventually we both regretted my decision is. Especially considering we already have a son, I am afraid our son will be a lot of hurt, even though he lived with his grandparents. Although I know they are loved his grandchildren, even beyond the way my love. I tried to self-introspection, that probably I lack patience in educating the ex-wife. And finally, we also intend to reconcile.
He was willing to come with me to the country and the world Z leave work to bring our son. But when the final decision to refer is in sight, as preparations are made to ask her back from her parents and fetch him and our son, he raised an issue that really bothers me and makes me annoyed. She wanted me to sign a letter of agreement on the reconciliation seal, stating that I would love her and our son, and if when he moved in with me and leave his world of work and, when I had finally divorce her again, I asked to be willing to give living at 1/3 my salary, division of property gono gini fair, and our son still has not been able to join her for a vote.
All these agreements fall when he made a mistake. The mistake he specifically mentioned was just an affair, but I never betrayed our marriage, I divorced him the reason was because I was no longer able to be a leader for him. I am facing a dilemma here. One side of me wanted to raise my children and educate my ex-wife again to get closer to God, on the other hand, if I accept the conditions, I was worried I was holding something that was not there needs to be, and God forbid that have been lawful.
Terms 2 and 3 for me no problem. But the first requirement, is not he should not ask such a thing? And also I fear this agreement will only return undermine my position as a husband, so it can not membinanya, and can not do anything if he does go around. Maybe the deal as collateral for her so that I no longer arbitrarily menalaknya again, but my decision not to refer again to menalaknya and affected her and our son. I really hope she can help me find my way out of this problem. Jazakallah,
Regards,
***************
Answer:
Wassalammu'alaikum wr. wb.
Brother Abd Allah the exalted, it seems not easy ya home life father lived. Just three years running has been so many conflicts experienced by almost led to divorce. Educate and nurture our partner is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. So much energy and patience to be prepared if there are many differences that must be adjusted. It seems that more time is needed to make households formed as expected father.
Differences of understanding in addressing the religious life lived sometimes want to be an obstacle to forming a family sakinah. Therefore, the process needed to be addressed by understanding and patience so that our spouse can go along with our footsteps. And the words of the practice is not as easy to take, especially in guiding sensibility of a woman needed a husband to be able to dive into his soul. As the Prophet once said to be careful in directing women because like twigs easily bend, but if it is too hard could break it.
Apparently one of the obstacles in guiding father's wife is still living the same roof with the law, with a break away and go to a country Z is a pretty good move. Since independence would be expected to facilitate the cooperation that exists between father and wife. Moreover, the current wife began more succumb to leave her job and want to come move in with the father. But the trauma of separation seems to have occurred is still being felt by the wife. That he was worried that after he left his job then you can act arbitrarily with mentalaknya just when he had no place to rely other than the father. Although I'm sure you have no intention to mentelantarkannya.
I think the father's wife fears are reasonable only felt by a woman who was worried because he had almost divorced before. And it was the right of women in Islam are legitimate use. I think quite the justice of Islam, as Islam gives the right of the husband to mentalak, then istripun given the opportunity to protect themselves by filing requirement for reconciliation. However, it is the contents of the agreement must not violate Islamic law or the other associated with immorality.
For example on the right 1/3 of salary, if the child custody fell on her mother, then the father is obliged to keep giving money to the ex-wife to be able to properly care for the child father. But the treasure gono-gini may need to be clarified, because in Islam there is no equal division of property after divorce. But the truth is treasure to be the husband and the husband's property right of the wife to wife after they divorced again instead of dividing property after divorce amounts affairs sama.Untuk this requirement seems you really need to consult further with the understanding Islamic cleric.
If you fear that it will complicate the filing requirement in nurturing father, should not be. That is not to say you realize it or use it as a weapon for the right to divorce his wife drive. I think the coaching process thus less appropriate for use threats as a way of maintaining compliance, but it would be much better if the process is done with the awareness that couples voluntarily to change. But everything is going back to the father who will establish and foster family. What is written just broaden that can see a different perspective. I pray may the father of a family participate in the protection of Allah SWT always Wallahu'alambishawab.
Wassalammu'alaikum Wr. Wb.
Rr. Anita W.
Sources: Eramuslim.com
Problems:
Assalammu'alaikum wr. wb.
Mrs. Anita, my 30-year-old man. Not long ago I experienced the events that rocked my life. I'm going through a divorce after being married for 3 years, and already has a son almost 2 years old. My ex-wife was 30 years old. During the wedding, my household is always tinged with controversy. This is due to differences in conflicting thoughts. He's actually a lot to know the laws of religion, but more seeking relief-relief that is not in place.
I stamped extremely religious and extreme in his religion, but I think the actual content of my faith is still very far from perfect. When I run the daily prayers, I considered abandoning our son which he had always watched and guarded. Though we live not alone but with his parents in the house so crowded people. I considered less responsible as more important than family worship, although it is an individual duty of worship.
During his marriage to her, I was quiet, trying to be patient and obey his will because he wanted to avoid a bigger fuss. In addition it was also because I felt did not have any power against my ex-wife, because it is a condition we are still riding in his parents' home in the town of X, and I am at work in the town of Y due to my ex-wife was afraid to live self-deprivation and fear when joined with me in town Y, In addition he also still love to leave her job at a hotel, which is surrounded by the luxury of making it more often look up.
I feel I have no power as the leader of the family while in his parents' house, because I was not able to guide and make it obedient to her husband as long as he still insisted to stay at home parents. He still often hide behind their parents. Even the name of my gift to our son who Insha Allah was not significantly better everyday wear, a nickname used is that it provides that no element pray, so that the original name of my son was drowned. At that time I think often we divorce it may be better, because I feel very heavy responsibility that I carry with married him, I was not able to figure out how what else should I use for membinanya and make it obedient.
From the subtle way in the form of an invitation to tender and rough words angrily. In fact I often made threats to him, as if these circumstances continue and told he would not respect me as a leader of the family, then I am no longer able to keep this marriage. When I say that he, too, fell silent. I realized that in fact we still love each other, but the behavior often does not reflect that. Especially when considering the conditions we already have a son, I tried to dampen appetite for divorce. However, the incidence of divorce was ultimately inevitable, then I've moved on to work in country Z, while he was still in town X.
Just because a small problem that could have been resolved by speaking well and push each other each esteem, I buried a time bomb that finally exploded too when I visited him at his parents' house. I give her back to her parents. But eventually we both regretted my decision is. Especially considering we already have a son, I am afraid our son will be a lot of hurt, even though he lived with his grandparents. Although I know they are loved his grandchildren, even beyond the way my love. I tried to self-introspection, that probably I lack patience in educating the ex-wife. And finally, we also intend to reconcile.
He was willing to come with me to the country and the world Z leave work to bring our son. But when the final decision to refer is in sight, as preparations are made to ask her back from her parents and fetch him and our son, he raised an issue that really bothers me and makes me annoyed. She wanted me to sign a letter of agreement on the reconciliation seal, stating that I would love her and our son, and if when he moved in with me and leave his world of work and, when I had finally divorce her again, I asked to be willing to give living at 1/3 my salary, division of property gono gini fair, and our son still has not been able to join her for a vote.
All these agreements fall when he made a mistake. The mistake he specifically mentioned was just an affair, but I never betrayed our marriage, I divorced him the reason was because I was no longer able to be a leader for him. I am facing a dilemma here. One side of me wanted to raise my children and educate my ex-wife again to get closer to God, on the other hand, if I accept the conditions, I was worried I was holding something that was not there needs to be, and God forbid that have been lawful.
Terms 2 and 3 for me no problem. But the first requirement, is not he should not ask such a thing? And also I fear this agreement will only return undermine my position as a husband, so it can not membinanya, and can not do anything if he does go around. Maybe the deal as collateral for her so that I no longer arbitrarily menalaknya again, but my decision not to refer again to menalaknya and affected her and our son. I really hope she can help me find my way out of this problem. Jazakallah,
Regards,
***************
Answer:
Wassalammu'alaikum wr. wb.
Brother Abd Allah the exalted, it seems not easy ya home life father lived. Just three years running has been so many conflicts experienced by almost led to divorce. Educate and nurture our partner is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. So much energy and patience to be prepared if there are many differences that must be adjusted. It seems that more time is needed to make households formed as expected father.
Differences of understanding in addressing the religious life lived sometimes want to be an obstacle to forming a family sakinah. Therefore, the process needed to be addressed by understanding and patience so that our spouse can go along with our footsteps. And the words of the practice is not as easy to take, especially in guiding sensibility of a woman needed a husband to be able to dive into his soul. As the Prophet once said to be careful in directing women because like twigs easily bend, but if it is too hard could break it.
Apparently one of the obstacles in guiding father's wife is still living the same roof with the law, with a break away and go to a country Z is a pretty good move. Since independence would be expected to facilitate the cooperation that exists between father and wife. Moreover, the current wife began more succumb to leave her job and want to come move in with the father. But the trauma of separation seems to have occurred is still being felt by the wife. That he was worried that after he left his job then you can act arbitrarily with mentalaknya just when he had no place to rely other than the father. Although I'm sure you have no intention to mentelantarkannya.
I think the father's wife fears are reasonable only felt by a woman who was worried because he had almost divorced before. And it was the right of women in Islam are legitimate use. I think quite the justice of Islam, as Islam gives the right of the husband to mentalak, then istripun given the opportunity to protect themselves by filing requirement for reconciliation. However, it is the contents of the agreement must not violate Islamic law or the other associated with immorality.
For example on the right 1/3 of salary, if the child custody fell on her mother, then the father is obliged to keep giving money to the ex-wife to be able to properly care for the child father. But the treasure gono-gini may need to be clarified, because in Islam there is no equal division of property after divorce. But the truth is treasure to be the husband and the husband's property right of the wife to wife after they divorced again instead of dividing property after divorce amounts affairs sama.Untuk this requirement seems you really need to consult further with the understanding Islamic cleric.
If you fear that it will complicate the filing requirement in nurturing father, should not be. That is not to say you realize it or use it as a weapon for the right to divorce his wife drive. I think the coaching process thus less appropriate for use threats as a way of maintaining compliance, but it would be much better if the process is done with the awareness that couples voluntarily to change. But everything is going back to the father who will establish and foster family. What is written just broaden that can see a different perspective. I pray may the father of a family participate in the protection of Allah SWT always Wallahu'alambishawab.
Wassalammu'alaikum Wr. Wb.
Rr. Anita W.
Sources: Eramuslim.com
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